My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
