Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
