A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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