It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
