You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
