I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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