What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
