bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
