Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
