Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
