bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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