at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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