My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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