I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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