I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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