The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
