omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
