M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
