two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
