somebody snuck up and got me drunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
