Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
