why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
