I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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