you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
