Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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