it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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