I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
