he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
