How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
