You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
