This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
