Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize