why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
