My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
