We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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