I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
