Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
