The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize