I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
