Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
