Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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