She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
