So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
