He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
