There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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