too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
