And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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