I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
