I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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