I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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