he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
