This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
