I hope mine doesn't look like that
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
