Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
