This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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