If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
