they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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