I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
