im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
