I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
