dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
