He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize