After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
