My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
