I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
