hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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