Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
