we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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