I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
