Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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