You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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